Have you ever heard of Standard of Proof? In criminal law, the standard of proof is “beyond reasonable doubt”. So, if you have committed an offence, then a judge would usually not convict you if you somehow create a reasonable doubt in his mind that you might not have committed that offence. Hence, in a court, you never need to prove up to 100% certainty that you were not the perpetrator of a particular offence. But, is that so in the real world? Suppose, your spouse charges you of cheating with, say, your secretary or may your Yoga Instructor. Would it be enough if you create a reasonable doubt in his/her mind that you didn’t commit any cheating?
Standard of Cheating
I had an interesting conversation with Rashmi recently. We literally discussed ‘Standard of Cheating’, i.e. What would amount to cheating in a relationship? It left me thinking about the impact it (Standard of Cheating) could have on people, relationships and life in general. Suppose, you have a very high Standard of Cheating, so in your mind, most things won’t amount to cheating. Whereas, if you have a very low Standard of Cheating, then it would mean that for you most things would amount to cheating.
Let’s delve a bit further. So, what exactly should be cheating? Should it be considered cheating when you frequently engage in long conversations with a person of the opposite sex? or should it be so when you start spending considerable time with that person? Or should it be so only after you have been ‘physical’ with that person?
What you consider cheating out of the aforementioned scenarios would be your Standard of Cheating. But, can your Standard of Cheating always stay the same in all the scenarios and all kinds of relationships?
The reason I am stressing this ‘Standard of Cheating’ is that a particularly low standard of cheating can have drastic consequences for your relationships.
For instance, this is how it might go. You accuse your partner of being unfaithful/disloyal on the basis of an act that probably had no relation with his/her promiscuity. He / She justifies his act or ignores your ‘bickering’. You continue your allegations and mistrust grow. Over time, your partner gets frustrated with your persistent mistrust. Ultimate Result = A Spoiled Relationship.
This is just one of the ways it might go. There are thousands of alternate paths too. But, most often than not, if you have a low standard of cheating, i.e., you lack trust in your partner, then it would not lead you to a good place.
How much to Trust?
Trust is a funny thing, right? You trust the wrong person and you are doomed. You don’t trust the right person and you lose a gem from your life. So, whom to trust and how much to trust?
I think people who are good at reading people are usually good at finding trustworthy ones. But, anyway, in my opinion, it still is a gamble. It doesn’t matter how smart you are, it can always backfire. So, what’s the remedy?
I think we must take at least 2 ‘safety measures’ – limiting the amount of trust and reducing our exposure.
By limiting the amount of trust, I mean that we must understand the failing of all humans. Humans are not ‘GOD’; we have some deficiencies and circumstances can ‘turn’ the best of us. So, we should keep ourselves reminded that anything might happen.
Though, to avoid that ‘anything’, it is important that we maintain continuous positive communication with our partner.
By reducing our exposure, I mean that we must follow a policy of ‘limited attachment’. Many a time, people who get too attached to others fall on their faces. That’s why I advocate a policy of ‘limited attachment’. You must not be completely invested in a living person. You must have a life of your own – a specific goal that’s not attached to some ‘living person’.
Once you have followed these ‘safety measures’, you are ready to enjoy the GAMBLE that love and relationships offer.
In conclusion, I would say that it is important to live a full life. So, Go Out, Trust Your Partner, Communicate, Have Fun. Though, be mindful of the aforementioned ‘safety measures’.