Breakups Can be hard, REALLY HARD!!
She was lying on the bed, sleepless for almost 2 days. Even her tears were evaporated after this much crying. Reasons were many. All her hopes, dreams, aspirations had died two days earlier with a single person. Breakups do occur in this world but this one was a little different. Because, it hadn’t just destroyed a single relationship, but a complete soul. She was shattered completely.
In the initial few hours, she hadn’t realized but now, the pain was getting intense with each passing moment. The main problem was the absence of any person to help her overcome this unexpected turn of her life. People weave lots of dreams while being in relationships but when they break, it really hurts a lot.
Her mouth was completely dry because she hadn’t drunk anything for the last 2 days. She wasn’t able to understand how her life will work now without him. Millions of thoughts were flushing her mind. It was hard to focus on any certain one.
They say that the soul never dies, but her soul has almost died. Sleeplessness, lack of food and water along with that sudden breakup now were all working as a lethal combination for her physical metabolism also. She was crawling slowly towards death.
Moments had changed into hours and hours into days but she was there all alone, fighting with herself. Even if she could have had tried to get up, all her actions had been unsuccessful. The temperature of her body was falling significantly. Slowly, slowly, lids of her eyes were dropping. She was fighting hard to keep them open.
It wasn’t clear what was happening to her. Those millions of thoughts were also disappearing. She was getting into a hibernation mode. Finally, the lids gave up and got shut. It was dark now, all around. Complete Darkness.
“Ring….. Ring….. Ringgg……” doorbell gave the annoying sound when Bhavna pressed its button.
“Yr, I will sleep for a complete day, now. I am damn tired.” Richa declared at the front door even before entering the house.
Bhavna nodded silently. They had just returned from a business trip from Goa. Word ‘Business’ was just for getting approval from their parents and Zoya (the third member of this ever-happy group).
Actually, they had gone there to have some fun with their boyfriends. It was a memorable experience. Zoya hates these type of outings with her better half. Her relationship is a little different one.
“Ring… Ring..” Bhavna rang the bell again. They were really tired from this return journey. So, every moment was passing like an hour for them.
“Ringggggggggggggggg………………………………………………..” now, Richa hit the bell. They waited for some time. But, there was no moment visible inside the house.
“WTF Zoya is doing in there. She knows that we must be tired. Shit, her call is also not getting connected.” Richa said in rising frustration. Bhavna was silent even now. She had used up all her energy already with Nikhil (her bf). That’s why; she preferred silence to conserve some calories for walking to the bed. They rang the bell a few more times. But, there was no response.
They thought that Zoya might have gone to the market and started waiting for her while sitting in the garden area. Time was proving to be their main enemy. Frequent wordy rebukes were being sent to Zoya.
“Oye Bhavna, we had lost a key in that bush, that evening na?” Richa remembered something useful.
“Hmm, maybe,” Bhavna replied, while almost sleeping in the grass.
“What may be, I know for sure. Get Up let’s find that. Turn on your Phone’s flashlight.” Richa directed.
“Sorry, I can’t. Wait for Zoya. Or else, find it yourself, there is enough daylight left even now.” Bhavna cleared her intentions to Richa. Richa gave her a bad look and started looking in that bush.
“Key, Key, where are you? I know you are there.” Richa was singing it like a song. She turned on, her own phone’s flashlight and started the search operation seriously.
“Yeah….., I told you. Found it.” Bhavna also got some energy after hearing this. They both rushed towards the door and opened it.
“Thank God, you found it. Else, we might be rotting in the garden even now.” Bhavna was happy now.
“She(Zoya) hasn’t even turned up the lights, yr. What type of girl is she?” Richa almost whispered to Bhavna. Bhavna understood that it is the fear of darkness, which is making her whisper. They turned on the lights.
“Richa, I am going to fresh up. Please prepare some coffee. I need to complete my work report. It’s really important.” Richa first rejected but then agreed on getting repeat requests. Actually, she was also getting an urge to drink some coffee. Fortunately, there was a packet of milk in her travel bag.
As usual, she started searching for her favorite coffee mug along with preparing coffee. Then, she remembered that it may be in Zoya’s room. After switching the coffee maker off. She walked towards Zoya’s room to get her mug while singing in a jolly mood “Gulabi Aankhen jo, Teri dekhi mein..”.
She opened the door. It was dark. Her Jolly Mood was gone. Not bothering to turn on the room light, she turned on her phone’s flashlight and started looking for her mug in hurry on the side bench.
“Bhavnaiiii…………………….” She shouted. Unable to find her mug on the side bench. She had gone to another side of the bed and Zoya was lying there, senseless on the floor.
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“See, the doctor has said that you will need to maintain a proper diet plan, now.” my friend Richa repeated doctor’s advice on the way back home, after a long treatment. I was diagnosed with excessive dehydration and mental shock. “My Condition was critical.” said the doctor, but they saved me, thankfully.
Just a month has passed since my breakup and it feels like an eternity. I had never thought that it will ever be possible to live without him for so long. The hottest love had the coldest end. I am broken. He is so cruel to leave me like this. I had dreamt to live my whole life with him. But, now, everything is destroyed.
He is gone, but my desire to live is also gone. I don’t hate him for not loving me but I hate myself for still loving him. It’s hard to forget a person who has given you so much to remember. “I will love you forever.” used to be his usual dialogue. Who knew that he forever will end just so soon?
I have received advice from almost everyone who got to know about us. “If he is stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go.” Richa had told once. “Be glad it’s over, my dear.” said my mom. “Problems you have when dating multiply by ten when you’re married.” But, I was never convinced. How could I be satisfied without him when he was the only thing I craved for?
The hardest and most confusing thing about breakups is that you want to move on but you can’t. I want to forget him. I am trying. But, it’s not just working. Photos, deleted. Chats, deleted. Contact Number, deleted. But my autocorrect still displays his name. It seems as if the universe had conspired to not let us meet but not allowing me to forget him either.
“I will never ever leave you, my cutie pie” he had said a million times. I wish I could just go back to the days when he used to promise me these things and give him a tight slap. I had broken all my rules for him but he shattered all those promises and commitments so easily. I hope life is not a joke because I don’t get it.
I was so habituated to him that, now, without him, I feel so lonely and insecure. I can never be someone’s girlfriend, leave apart being wife. He is good, maybe the problem is in me, I am bad. Crying daily at night has become a routine job. The worst kind of love is when you want someone but you know you can’t have them.
My heart ponders if he still thinks about me if he still wants to be with me. It says that one day, he will return back after realizing my love. But, sadly, my brain knows, he is gone and now I need to move on.
“You can never move on if don’t want to. Make up your mind. It’s enough. I can’t see you crying and dying daily for a loser.” Richa threw those words like slaps on my face today.
She is right. I cared, he didn’t. I was hurt, he smiled. Now, I will move on and he will realize. It’s not fair that I am thinking about him all the time and he probably hadn’t thought about me even once.
I have started reading ‘The Breakup Bible’. I finally told her that I want to move on and she recommended me this book. It will be going to be hard but hard is not impossible. I was a dreamer but, when he left me all my aspirations got destroyed.
I will fallback now. I can’t just keep doing this. If an egg is broken outside, then life ends. If broken by inside force, life begins. Great things always happen from inside. I always keep myself busy with things I do these days. But every time I stop, sadly I still think about him.
It has been around six months now. Honestly, I can feel the change. Sometimes good things fall apart, so that, better things can be together. The pain of a breakup can destroy us or dignify us. It is our choice. I am happy that I have chosen the latter.
Being in that relationship wasn’t a complete waste, I have learned a lot. I am much more matured person now. I have gained a closer look at life now. He has taught me the art to live alone. To keep me entertained and busy on my own.
I have developed some really cool new habits. I have become a bird watcher and a writer too. I have read a lot about love and relationships. Thanks to him, I will choose my future partner wisely. I had loved the wrong guy. Actually, It’s not at all OK to love a wrong guy. Love is unconditional but relationships are not.
It took time, but I have ultimately got a rebirth. He has been a closed chapter now. The thing is I haven’t closed the book after completing that chapter. I just turned the page. Moving on doesn’t mean you forget about things. It just means you have to accept what happened and continue living.
This is it for the story. I have also gathered some tips to avoid breakups and keep relationships healthy. You can read them here.
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